A Spoof based on Dad's Army
Newsflash :- Captain Mainboring has resigned his commission. Presumably either Sergeant Woolson or VM will be the new leader of the platoon, but who will be next to quit?
Fatberg Fortley is favourite.
This spoof is entirely fictitious and the characters within it are entirely a figment of the author's imagination. Therefore any resemblance to persons living or dead is entirely coincidental.
The main characters.
Captain Mainboring is an out of work Merchant Banker (Cockney rhyming slang?)
Recently appointed Captain of the Lerstoff- on- Sea platoon, Captain Mainboring is devoid of any leadership qualities whatsoever. Whilst waiting to take up his command, he was absent from every drill night for about 9 months. It has been rumoured that he spent those nine months locked in his wardrobe searching for a changes of uniform but to no avail. Since taking up his command he has maintained his position of moaning and whingeing about every thing and everyone. Nothing new there then. He even moans about having to attend drill practice
Equally lacking in leadership qualities he was appointed sergeant because of his communication skills.
These skills were found wanting however, as when he was tasked with advertising the platoon he put a card in the local post office window but gave the wrong address and telephone number for the drill hall. Local people ended up making telephone calls to towns in the U.S.A.
Sergeant Woodson was unable to lead a platoon at nearby Wusston-on -Sea which thereby prompted his transfer to the Lerstoff platoon.
Corporal Hodges -Jones
Corporal Hodges -Jones is the product of a liason between Warden Hodges and Corporal Jack Jones' wife, and has inherited the worst traits of both. The feeble mindedness of Jones and the vicious, maliciousness and foul mouth of the Warden. Because of this the Corporal has been given the nickname “VM” short for vicious malicious presumably.
Private Jon Pike.
Grandson of Frank, Pike is the resident sissy of the platoon. Occasionally he is allowed to take the platoon for a drill but twitches and becomes somewhat girly if his authority is challenged which happens at nearly every drill meeting.
Fatberg Fortley also known as “Sponge”
Called sponge for two reasons. Firstly, he has no original thoughts of his own and has never been known to be proactive he absorbs other peoples ideas and then regurgitates them as his own.
He is also called sponge because he never does something for the platoon without some sort of backhander be it free tea or not having to pay his subs.
Finally we come to Walker.
Not really a member of the platoon he merely hangs around the platoon to try to sell his dodgy goods.
He works from a market stall in a nearby seaside town but if people go to his stall not knowing what they need he will sell them gear which he is trying to offload or whatever gives him most profit.